Photo by sudama.

This article was posted as an April Fool’s joke.

Doors, deficit closing: Beginning with the influx of tourists arriving for the National Cherry Blossom Festival, Metro operators will be instructed to close doors on customers’ bags and purses.

In an effort to close Metro’s looming deficit, the contents of captured bags will be sold on Ebay. Though the measure is not aimed specifically at tourists, WMATA’s board is likening the new operating procedure to other states’ Tourist Development Taxes. (Michael, Jaime)

Moving on up: Congress has voted to repeal the outmoded Heights of Buildings Act, first passed in 1899 and then amended in 1910 to allow buildings to be up to 20 feet higher than the width of the adjacent street. One major stipulation to the repeal is that all new construction in the District must include penthouse level retail. This will activate the air frontage and create a vibrant airscape for the future urban environment filled with flying cars. (Jaime)

Maryland to sell Eastern Shore to Delaware: Amid record budget shortfalls and rising transportation costs, Maryland has announced plans to sell the Eastern Shore. All of the revenue the state will receive will go toward GARVEE bonds that the state will use to finance the construction of the Intercounty Connector.

DC to require “inclusionary parking”: Mayor Fenty just published final “inclusionary parking” regulations, to ensure that all residents who can’t afford homes are able to park for free on the street and live in their cars. Mayor Fenty praised the move, which will save the city millions on homeless shelters. (Michael)

All GGW commenters but you are fake: Greater Greater Washington has finally released its readership statistics. Other than David Alpert, the number of daily readers is 1: you. “All of the other commenters were just me trying to drum up readership,” said Alpert. (Michael)