1. Surround your building with an imposing stone facade that completely isolates it from the nearby street. Place no cafes or other businesses on the street, no places to sit, or anything to engage pedestrians.

2. Place doors at frequent intervals along the exterior, but then lock almost all of them.

There’s nothing to do here. And you can’t go in these doors. Photo courtesy of the RRBITC site.

3. Make your building extremely confusing to navigate.

4. Fill your building with large marble rooms that are completely devoid of furniture, forcing people to sit on the stairs or marble ledges.

They can afford this funky neon stuff, but apparently not any benches for the people sitting at the right.

5. Name your building after Ronald Reagan.

If you follow these simple steps, you too can have as wonderful a conference center as the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center in Washington, DC!

David Alpert created Greater Greater Washington in 2008 and was its executive director until 2020. He formerly worked in tech and has lived in the Boston, San Francisco Bay, and New York metro areas in addition to Washington, DC. He lives with his wife and two children in Dupont Circle.