DC can’t have statehood because… of parking?

On Thursday, the House of Representatives held a historic hearing on a bill to admit DC (except for a core of federal buildings and lands) as the 51st state, appropriately numbered HR 51. Supporters gave many reasons why it’s unfair and un-American to deny voting representation to more people than the population of Wyoming or Vermont.

Opponents… made some other arguments. One of the weirdest was from Kentucky Rep. Thomas Massie (R), who gave further to the maxim that it’s always, always about parking:

How Congress sees DC: “That place we park sometimes” https://t.co/nbMNWd7yAy

— David Alpert (@alpert) September 19, 2019

We have a federal district because, in 1783, a group of unpaid Revolutionary War soldiers marched on Philadelphia, then the capital, and demanded payment from the Congress of the Confederation. The Articles of Confederacy only gave Congress control of the military, then a series of state militias, in times of war. Alexander Hamilton convinced the soldiers to back off, then asked the Pennsylvania governor for help; the governor refused to send the state militia, so Congress left Philadelphia.

The framers of the Constitution then wrote, four years later, a clause to establish a federal district where Congress would have control and could protect itself. Today, with a staggering number of different federal police forces in DC, including the Capitol Police, and a national armed forces, there’s little concern that 400 irate citizens or anyone else could threaten Congress.

But, for at least one member, perhaps the specter of having to pay a few dollars to park when going to a restaurant is an affront on the same scale as being barricaded inside Independence Hall by 400 soldiers.

Of course, under a statehood bill, the grounds of the Capitol would continue to be part of the federal district. The Architect of the Capitol (or, as they’re increasingly dubbed, the “bad AOC”) would have the ability to continue devoting staggering amounts of space to parking and refusing to allow protected bikeways.

It’s also the case that parking elsewhere in DC is already not easy, and the District government already has authority over parking. Congress can overturn any DC law, but has never done so with one regarding parking. Not to mention, if DC tries to implement even mild policies that affect parking, they suffer a hue and cry not from Kentucky Republicans but many actual DC residents.

While Congress won’t be threatened by car parkers, the bad AOC did seem to think they were threatened by another transportation-related group: bicyclists. Or something, because they were cutting bike locks and impounding bikes that were attached to street-side sign posts during the hearing.

Perhaps, if granted statehood, the District might do something about parking, or bikes, that forces Congress to escape again to Princeton, New Jersey.